RFK Regains Speech After Team of Surgeons Dislodge Vibrating Silicon Fist
December 3rd, 2025, 9:28PM EST a team of 12 Surgeons in Delaware conducted the first of its kind medical procedure. After months of pressure from the Trump administration, RFK Jr has decided to remove a vibrating silicon fist from his anal cavity.
The right remains divided on this decision, with many raising concerns on whether the government should be able to strong arm a man into such consequential medical decisions. Press secretary Karoline Leavitt defended the administration's decision.
"Our gracious president, who is very smart, believed it was in this countries best interest. Any other model of vibrating fist would have been perfectly acceptable, but RFK's model had extremely strong vibration. These vibrations were causing noticeable impacts on his ability speak, which was interfering with his ability to do his vaccine research while talking to chatGPT. We are wishing him a speedy recovery."
Surgeons reported some minor complications during the operation. Head Surgeon Mark S. Camil explained "The entire team was able to lend a hand during the operation due to the cavernous nature of Mr RFK." Dr. Camil continued "On the other hand though, it was difficult to first locate, and then wrangle the silicon device. It was simply bouncing around the space far too unpredictably." Nonetheless, this team of heroic surgeons managed to grapple the device within the first 3 hours, which is no small feet.
The Daily Nonce, December 3rd, 2025, 9:28PM EST, Delaware
